Life and Death

Our Grandpa (it's actually Bret's grandpa but he's always been a grandpa to me too) is in a nursing home where he isn't expected to live 24 hours. I had the wonderful opportunity to spend the night with him at the nursing home. So for 9 hours, it was just me and Grandpa. The fatigue that I feel from 45 minutes of sleep was more than worth it. Seriously, 45 minutes. I was afraid to sleep because I might miss the time for him to have more Morphine. He was getting it every 90 minutes and I wanted to stay on top of it and make sure he didn't miss a dose. My heart ached for this dear and wonderful man who was lying so helpless struggling to die, struggling to live. He's always been a goer and a doer. He was never one to be idle. So for the past few years, he really hasn't been himself. Nine years ago, he fell while he and Grandma were on vacation. He received a big bump on his head and there were complications. So he needed to go off his blood thinner medication so the doctor could operate. Well 8 hours of not having blood thinner, he had a stroke. He was in the hospital for 2 months. He wasn't expected to make it then and he did. He had a couple of fairly good years - not his normal busy self, but not completely house bound. But the last several (4 or so) he has been almost completely house bound. He hasn't been able to build anything or work with his hands and this has been very frustrating for him. He was a superior craftsman. He could build anything and everything. He was incredibly creative. I wish I could show you some of his great works. The Philippin Temple is one of them. He's build countless cedar chest, dressers, beds, tables, cupboards, a cabin, a few houses and so much more for family and friends. His wood work was absolutely magnificent. We are fortunate to have a few pieces of his work in our home. Three weeks ago he was admitted into the hospital because he was bleeding on his brain. Grandma was advised to take him off his blood thinner. He would probably have a stroke soon and it would take him because he is so weak. So for the past 3 weeks he hasn't had any blood thinner and he hasn't had a stroke yet. (If he'd stayed on the blood thinner, he would have continued bleeding and would have had massive headaches until he died.) As I set there watching him, I was hoping and praying he would just pass from this life to the next into the loving arms of so many dear family members and friends. Many times through the night, I thought he had taken his last breath, but to my surprise, he gasped and started breathing again. Death is not the worst thing to have happen. There are things worse than death. And for the sake of everyone, I pray that Grandpa will soon be released from this life. When he finally makes to the other side, I will not be sad because I know that death is not the end. Miss him? Of course. But, I'm sure he's anxious to get to the other side to be free of his many Earthly restrictions and I'm excited for him. I'm excited for him to start building again, to be able to move about as he chooses, to be his ol' self again. How grateful I am for the Plan of Salvation. How grateful I am to have know Grandpa, for however short of time.